“Let go of who you think you’re supposed to be and embrace who you are” – Brené Brown

When I think about this quote from Brené Brown’s book, “The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are”, my first reaction is “easier said than done.” For many women, especially in male-dominated industries like banking, technology, the pressure to fit in can feel overwhelming.  The unspoken rules about how to act, speak, and lead often push women to mold themselves into an image of success that does not always feel natural.  At some level it is like you are an actor in a play.  The best actors are those that convince you and make you really believe that they are the character.  I wonder if great actors are those who step into their characters by letting go of expectations and bring their authentic selves to the role?

The Illusion of Fitting In

Trying to fit in might feel like the safest path, but it often comes at a cost: self-doubt, burnout, and a muted version of who you truly are. We have all read or heard it: be assertive, -but not too assertive, lean-in –but not take up too much space, praised for your work-yet sometimes overlooked for promotions. The irony? The most successful leaders aren’t those who conform-they are the ones who redefine the rules by bringing their full authentic selves to the table.

Building Confidence in Your Own Voice

I’m certain that you have heard that confidence is not about never feeling doubt – it is about moving forward despite it. In my own experience, I can think of some many instances where I have been the only woman in a room filled with men (add to that a person of color, and an accent to boot since I am not a native English speaker). Some of the things I’ve done to help me build confidence while staying true to myself:

  • Acknowledge Imposter Syndrome but Move Forward, Don’t Let It Define Me: I recognize that I have those feelings but don’t let them dictate my actions. 
  • Own My Strengths: I try very hard to focus on what makes me unique, not on what I lack or death by comparison.  My emotional intelligence, problem-solving skilss, resourcefulness, my resiliency, work-ethic, showing up as myself. These are all qualities that set me apart.
  • Find (or Be) a Mentor: I had an experience where I was recommended for a promotion by my direct manager, and it was blocked by her boss. To say that I was disappointed is an understatement.  I worked so hard and had support from other stakeholders.  After I dusted myself off, I reached out to senior leaders in the company and embarked on a journey to find a few key mentors who uplifted me, provided guidance and reinforced my own confidence.

Authenticity is a Superpower!

I have let go of the fear of being authentic holding me back.  Authenticity is my strength and is a leadership strength that: 

  • Builds trust: people respect and relate to leaders who are real.
  • Fosters innovation: Diverse perspectives lead to better solutions.
  • Creates lasting impact: Authentic leaders inspire others to embrace their own strengths – and weaknesses too.

I think of women like Madeleine Albright, Sara Blakely, Pinar Demirdag, Grace Hopper, Arianna Huffington, Ellen Ochoa, who succeeded not by trying to fit in but by owning their unique approach.  Their authenticity did not just serve them-it transformed industries.

Owning Your Story: The Path Forward

Letting go of who you think you’re supposed to be isn’t a one-time decision; it’s a continuous practice. The next time you feel pressured to conform, ask yourself: Am I showing up as the person I think I should be, or as the person I truly am?

This Women’s History Month, challenge yourself to step into your authenticity:

  • Speak up about an idea that matters to you.
  • Mentor a woman navigating her career or other life transition.
  • Share your story—because your voice has the power to inspire others.

The world doesn’t need more women who fit in. It needs more women who lead boldly, authentically, and unapologetically.